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So this page is about me again, last updated on 2/24/2009. I don't feel like filling it with a whole bunch of details about myself and my personal life, so I'll try to keep it basic, although I do tend to ramble when I get started. My life is an open book, and I love to tell
the world about my experiences, so bear with me.
Who is Bighead?
My full name is Scott Michael Zimmerman, but most people call me 'Bighead', because in High School I had a lot of hair, which made it look like my cranium was huge. The knickname kinda stuck even after high school, and most people still call me it because they think it was started because I'm smarter than most.
I live in Pennsylvania, USA, in a small mountain town where the average IQ is around 90. Yeah, we're rednecks, or better yet modern day hicks. Because I don't fit in with most people around me, due to intellectual differences, I spend much time
on my computer learning about various things. Everything from spirituality to various fields in science. I enjoy learning about life as a whole, because our very existance is the biggest question of all, with a simple three letter word, w-h-y?
When I'm not on my computer, I spend time in nature, to get in touch with the part of me that runs deeper than my ego, my inner self so to speak. I have many interests in life, unfortunately none of them seem to be on a common level with most
people, so I spend many days alone.
Video Games, Technology, Hurrah!
I enjoy video games, I have since I was just a child, and I will probably play them until the day I die. I also enjoy technology as a whole, computers are a form of magic at work, modern day alchemy. I have an associates degree as an electronics technician, and I make money doing odd jobs such as repairing
and building personal computers for people. When I discovered emulation almost a decade ago, I was amazed to be able to play my favorite games on my PC, with just a double click. Even to this day, I still love emulation and will continue to play it
for years to come. I look at it as a way to preserve the old games that would surely disappear if it wasn't for emulation. N64 was my favorite console of all time, which is why a few years back I decided to write a configuration list for the N64 emulation
scene. Although the list had a nice fan database, it never grew to the level I had hoped. Emutalk especially didn't seem to appreciate my work, for they never made a sticky with my list, ever. NGEmu and Emuxhaven both gave the credit I felt I deserved, and
I thank them for that. After awhile, it got kinda tiring to keep my lists popularity up myself. Without the proper advertising nothing can get known, which is what I lacked. These reasons are why I never finished my list.
What I do for Fun
Fun to me is not what fun is for most people. I do enjoy some things that are commonly accepted as fun such as swimming and hanging out with people. But I don't really go out of my way to have this kind of fun. I have fun playing video games, learning new things,
and taking long walks in nature alone. I have fun with my little projects that keep my busy from time to time, like my WarCraft III map Wintermaul Wars: Tournament Edition. Honestly, I have a lot of fun just staring into the distance and doing some hardcore thinking. I am a very mental creature, I live in the world
that exists in my head instead of the world around me, which I just visit it when I have to. Other types of fun that I have, are creating little inventions. I grab a handful of wires and components and throw something together and see if it works. Yeah, I'm a nerd.
But maybe it's not totally a bad thing. I don't enjoy drinking, even though I am of age. I am now 25 years old, and I have drank maybe 10 times in 4 years, and only got drunk 3 of those times. I don't enjoy parties or social gatherings, because I am always the
outcast. I have nothing to talk about with the common man, besides maybe how to fix his computer problems or give him advice on his life. I tend to get that a lot, people ask me for advice. I think perhaps it's because they somehow feel that I see most things from a logical
perspective and don't let emotions cloud my judgement. This is a blessing, but one of my biggest downfalls.
My Views on Life
Life to me is only a temporary stage in the evolution of the world, until we return to God.. whatever God may be. The problem with modern day life, is that everyone is too caught up in the physical aspects of life. They want to have the hot body, they want the gorgeous lover, they want as much money as they can get, and
they want their life to be filled with material goods. What is the point of all this? To me it seems that they need this material satisfaction to fill the void of their own insecurities. They strive their whole life to obtain all these things, just to die and lose it all. People
forget the spiritual side of life, the part that dissolved over the past 100 years. There is more to life than our wants, and our lives should be spent preparing for the eternal existance, not this temporary trial period that everyone is failing at. Personally, I love my life, and
I really have nothing. I have a car, some clothes, and a computer to call my own. I don't even have a real job, and I live with my grandmother. I spend most days alone, with very little friends and no lover. I live off of welfare and food stamps, and have absolutely no "real" income
to my name. Typical loser most people would think. But those people are unhappy with themselves, to
judge me personally without knowing me is to compensate and feel better about their own flaws. I judge nobody artificially, I put no label to anyone, only state what I observe and understand. I am extremely happy
with my life, because happiness is a state of mind, not the effect of a situation. To be happy is to think you are happy, and carry that thought a lifetime. Sadly, my way of thinking does not fit in with this day and age, to be successful is to have all those things that I previously
mentioned, the great job, girl, house, car, etc. Human beings survived many a millenia without 99% of the materials today, without working "jobs", and still they were happy because the mindset was more dumbed down. Not to say responsibility isn't a good thing, because it is. I just don't see how
40 hours of slave labor a week just to live, is justified when some people do nothing all day and have billions of dollars. So after all of this,
do I want to live off welfare for the rest of my life? The answer is no, I only need some kind of income to support my food, shelter, electric, and internet bills. I need nothing else except my forests, lakes, and streams. Heck, I could even live without the computer if I had to. It
just sucks that modern day life is the way it is, we have the knowledge and power to live in Utopia, yet we continue to suffer because of the terrible decisions made by the rich. We could all live happy, free, and do whatever we want all day everyday, the way life was meant to be from the
start before humans ruined the world. But no, we are ignorant, and will continue to live in ignorance for decades, possibly centuries, until that one catastrophic event happens that forces us to change.
My Downfalls..
So I'm not perfect, but who is? Since I consider my life an open book, I have no regrets to speak about any details about myself. I currently discovered that I may have a condition known as Asperger's Syndrome, which accounts for my high IQ of 148, but on the downside, I lack
the interests, social graces, feelings/emotions, and sympathy/empathy that most people have. I consider this "condition" a blessing more than a curse, that is, if I really do have it. My belief is that people like to create a one word description for people who share a common
mindset, belief system, or personality. From my observations on most human beings, they let their emotions and their constant material wants cloud
their judgement (I know, I've been there). People that suffer from extreme anger, depression, greed, jealousy, etc.. live their lives based on this internal emotion, making decisions on it instead of thinking things through and looking at the logical aspects of their situations.
Because I lack most emotions (except in the past extreme anger), this is usually not a problem for me. On the other hand, it creates two new problems that most people don't have to face. Because of my lack of interest in material things, I have no motivation to "make something" of myself,
and work a long term job. I don't see the point, because everything that people work so hard for, they die, and it meant nothing. And the second problem is that I am always alone. I cannot be in a relationship because it is hard for me to love, and when
I do feel love, show that love. Nobody wants to be with and love a person who can't love in return. I loved one time in my life (I think it was love, because I still feel it), and I lost her because of my 'emotional condition'. Because I didn't know what I should feel in certain situations, it was
hard for me to make the right decisions and I feel that I totally screwed up my relationship with her. Faith Kelsey, if you are out there and you ever read this.. I'll always love you, and I'm sorry. This problem will remain with me for the rest of my life, but then again... it's not
really a problem at all!
The End.
So this is me. I am me, and nobody else. Like I said before, I am not perfect, but who is? Perfection is in the eye of the beholder, and nothing can be perfect unless every single human being percieved something as perfect. If you don't like me for whatever reason, then so be it because I don't really care, take your hate elsewhere! I know my views and observations may seem rather twisted to the 'normal' mind, but my thought process is who I am, and I have no desire to change it. Like everyone before me,
with me, and after me, I will live out my life they way I want to, until the day comes that I die and leave this earth. I will change for nobody, and I will live my life the way I seem fit regardless of the laws set out for us, the opinions of the people who judge me, and the situations that I face. I live
my life happy, and free of regrets, and that is all that really matters in anyones life.
(Told you I ramble!)
*Music is from Super Mario Bros 2: Wart's Defeat.
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